Hope, Faith And Love
by Denigoddess2001
Summary: Sometimes the pen is mightier than the spoken word. Elisa has walls around her heart as high as those of Castle Wyvern. Elisa tells Goliath about her awakenings. She lets him know how he caused her heart to rise above the clouds.


Goliath,  
  
I don't know where to start. I'm not a letter-writer. I don't have your eloquence or your way with words. I'm just a cop. I don't know how to write down what's going on inside me right now. But, I'm going to give it my best shot. I'll do what any good detective does: start at the beginning and work it through to its natural conclusion.  
  
When I met you, my entire world turned upside down. I'd quit looking for hope, faith and love in a city that doesn't give things like that away. I'd realized at that point in my life that I was going to be married to my job. No man seemed to understand just how much it's a part of me. I was happy to put dirtbags and pond scum behind bars. I felt good about who I was and what I did. I thought I was strong and tough and didn't need love in my life to make it worthwhile. As long as I gave 110% in everything else, that would take away the empty ache I was feeling.  
  
But, the job didn't keep me warm at night. It didn't make me smile or bring me joy. It didn't give me friendship. It simply became another piece of the wall that I had built around myself to hide things. I hid behind my job because I thought I'd become hard and jaded. I hid behind my job because I was alone.  
  
Dad and I were on the outs. Mom was busy with her volunteer work. Derek was playing hotdog with the PD and Beth was at college. Cagney's good company, but she doesn't hold a good conversation unless she hears the can opener at dinnertime. I was pretty much on my own.  
  
Then, you showed up that one crazy night. Chunks of rock were falling everywhere threatening to turn half of NYPD into road kill. I remember thinking half of New York was going to end up street pizza. I didn't know what to make of you. You reminded me of the demon out of legend with the batwings and the talons. I didn't know what to make of you.  
  
I thought I had it bad: no boyfriend, life in a rut, and feeling empty. Then, I realized I was whining and needed to deal with it. You had lost so much: your clan, your time, your world, your Angel Of The Night. You'd spent a thousand years in limbo so you wouldn't be alone. I not so sure I could have done that. You didn't whimper about your lot, you roared and refused to let it overwhelm you. You taught me something that night about hope and faith.  
  
When you decided to put your faith in me, I felt humbled. You know, you guys made me feel special because you trusted me with your secret. In a world that isn't kind to anyone, you showed me hope by giving me your friendship. You taught me trust because you believed in me when you didn't have faith in anyone else. Block by block, you and the guys waited patiently as the wall became tumbling down around me. You made me feel again.  
  
Then, that night when Puck went on a spree and turned you into a human and me into a gargoyle made my perspective of you do a one-eighty. That was the first wake up call. When I saw you standing there, you were like a Greek god. Tall, dark, muscular...you were everything that I wanted but thought that a person like me would never have. Then, you looked at me. Goliath, no one had looked at me like that in a long time. It wasn't scorn or disapproval. It wasn't lust. It was something else and it scared me.  
  
I saw real affection in your eyes. It scared me. I had a bad history with men. Guys don't like women who are too tough. I'm not going to change...it's a part of me. But, you didn't try and change me. You didn't try and set conditions on our friendship. You accepted me just as I was. It must be the Gargoyle Way. You looked at me with simple and honest affection. What I saw in your eyes, Big Guy, was what was going on in my heart.  
  
Like a wuss, I ran. Not literally, but figuratively. I kept my distance. I tried to keep everything cool and professional for a while. At the time, I was thinking I was repeating the old pattern: bad choice in males. What it boiled down to was that I was scared of opening up and considering the truth: I was falling for you hard. It didn't seem possible. You weren't human. You had wings. You turned to stone by day. Your kind laid eggs, for Christ's sake. What kind of life could we have? We'd never have a house in the suburbs, a dog, and 2.5 kids. I just wanted a simple kind of life.  
  
Love isn't simple, Goliath. It's the most complex thing God ever created. We've been through Hell and back with Demona, Xanatos, and Derek. There were a couple of times when I wanted to pull the gun and just blow it all away. Yet, you were always there. You're a warrior. You never gave up and you never gave in. You simply gave of your heart and of yourself to your clan, your city ...to me. Hell, look at this. I'm crying. I hope you can still read this.   
  
It really hit home when we were on the skiff for Avalon all those months. When it was just you, me, Angela and Bronx, I couldn't run from the truth anymore. Yet, the more I realized that I loved you, the more hopeless that it seemed. I didn't see how anything could happen between us. It hurt the most when we were in Egypt and you told me that Gargoyles age at half the rate as Humans. After sunrise, I cried. I realized that we wouldn't even grow old together.  
  
I told myself, "Give it up, Maza. Deal with it and get over it. If it doesn't kill me, it'll make me stronger. I don't need the hassle." I actually believed that. I made up my mind that all we'd ever have was friendship and that I could live with that. I also knew deep down that those words were a lie. I needed you.  
  
I remember when I met Jason. I thought he was ...well, hot. Sorry. I had to give it one more try. Don't tell me that you didn't try the same thing with Demona even after you knew she betrayed the clan. He was brave, charismatic, intelligent, and sensitive...just like you. He was also Human. I thought he understood me. He made me look at a man in a way I hadn't done in a very long time. When he kissed me it was nice. It also felt wrong. It felt wrong because he wasn't you. I couldn't deny it any more.  
  
When you two were battling on the dam and I fell over the edge, I only had one thought. I thought I was going to die and I regretted never telling you how I really felt about you. I know you'd tried to discuss it with me a million times, but I didn't want to hear it. "You're a Gargoyle, I'm a human. It can work and that's just the way it is." That was the rhetoric I'd been bullshitting you and myself for two years.  
  
When I went up to Wyvern that morning, I knew what I had to do. I wasn't brave enough to say it all, but I wanted to know if your heart still had a place for me. I hoped that it wasn't too late for us. When you said those magic words, "how we both feel." I was so happy that I just jumped up and planted one on you. I planned to tell you how I felt. That kiss wasn't part of the plan, but I've never regretted it for a second, Goliath. I'm glad that I did it.  
  
We've gone through Hell again! Quarrymen, Proteus, and my father on a bad day...it all adds up. But, you taught me about hope. You taught me about faith. You've taught me about love. It's a rare and precious gift that doesn't come around easily or often. When Angela and I were talking about love, she said Princess Katherine told her, "Take love in whatever form it comes to you." I realized then that I had to tell you.  
  
I know I haven't said the words. That doesn't come easily for me. But, you've given me a new strength in your gentle nature and fierce devotion. Goliath, I love you. But, sometimes love just isn't enough. But love and friendship are a formidable combination. I know we can make it. My heart's in your hands, Big Guy, and I don't want it back. You can keep it for the rest of my life and that's fine by me.  
  
I want to share every sunset with you. I want to take that special mating flight with you. (Yeah, I'm afraid of heights. But, not when I'm with you. I can't think of a better, safer place to be than in your arms.) I don't know what the future holds for us. I only know that I don't want a future without you. I just hope that I can justify the hope, faith and love you have in me. I want to spend the rest of my life doing just that ...if you'll let me.  
  
Goliath, love isn't a big enough word to describe what I'm feeling in my heart for you tonight.  
  
Just take my love with you and keep it with you always. See you at sunset.  
  
Always yours,  
  
Elisa 


End file.
